Rescue Humor Gifts

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

'He's even better when he takes the cue out of it's case.'

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

"I suppose one of us should call somebody."

Save the bacon,

"Which is it today doctor, - Back, Beatles, or Backstreet Boys?"

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

Emergency Marketer

"Serious drinkers recommend hanging on to the maraschino."

"911? My husband's unresponsive."

"My husband's a surgeon, he can't let go of his work."

'It's not my fault I'm three weeks late - my watch was slow.'

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

'Turn the camera off! Turn off the web cam!'

Warning! Don't leave your crocodile unanttended at any time!

Moderately Quick Sand

'Oh come on, a little touch up paint and a soft cloth, I can buff that out.'

Santa's elves attempt the Heimlich Maneuver.

Mountain rescue: two men carry a mountain on a stretcher.

"Thank goodness, I'm saved! I've been floating out here lost in the middle of the pool for hours."

"I'm sorry, we should have called you. We postponed the party."

"This must be your lucky day. . . normally ambulance response times take a lot longer."

'I'll just light my pipe before I find the gas leak.'

'Thank you for calling. Please hold - on as tight as you can.'

'This is 911! Sorry we can't take your call right now, our place is on fire!!'

Ambulance Men with a Drowning Man

Don't forget to stop for milk if we pass a supermarket.