Rescue Scenario Humorist Gifts

"Serious drinkers recommend hanging on to the maraschino."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

'You are here' sign on desert island.

Suez Canal Curse

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

A Not So Grand Slam.

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

'How was my emergency stop?'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

Freak Accident Specialist

'Don't you hate people who blatantly use office parties to network?'

Cotton candy

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

Luck

"The adventures of Robin Hood are becoming a lot less adventurous."

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

One of Indonesia's most feared Volcanoes: The mighty 'Kraka-toe-a'.

'It doesn't work...'