Rescue Humorist Pillows

Mountain rescue: two men carry a mountain on a stretcher.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

'Actually, it's good, old fashioned, chicken soup.'

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

'Did you just hear that? Scientist say we are now an endangered species and mating should be our top priority!'

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

"You've had dogs, cats, birds and even a pony. . . how come your only pets that survive are fish, Arielle?"

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

Dual Airbags

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"