Repair Humorist Gifts

'Oh come on, a little touch up paint and a soft cloth, I can buff that out.'

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

The Fuse

'No it's still not fixed'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

'Well, if I have a short circuit, just lengthen it.'

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

"It's important to fix the horn because the brakes don't work..."

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."

'It keeps sensing disturbances in the Force!'

"I keep hearing a knocking noise."

The ice maker is leaking. Nothing can be done about that now. It's water under the fridge. F and E Plumbing.

"Instead of filling in all the pot holes, it’d be easier to lower the rest of the road."

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

'Worst chainsaw massacre I've ever seen.'

'See, you misread it - it's void where prohibited by lou!'

'Mom, I said if you want to live in this neighbourhood, keep a weapon at your disposal.'

'It should be changed every 3000 miles? Better change it three times, then.'

"Lazarus was a whole different deal. This engine is just dead, dead, dead."

"It will cost $1,200 to fix that dent...or I could just make an identical dent on the other side for $19.99."

"Your German spark plugs won't work in your mini cooper because of Brexit."

"It's a loaner while mine's in the shop."

'It's not my fault I'm three weeks late - my watch was slow.'

"My sink drips, my shower runs. And my tub dribbles. I've got more leaks than the White House!"

"Is that better?"

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"

'Ralph, the toilet is overflowing.'

"Rad's shot. Looks like a drive-by."

"I did replace it...with another broken light bulb!"

You'll just have to tell the plumber to go. The 'leak' in the refrigerator I told you about is a vegetable!