Reproductive Humorist Gifts

Fertility Clinic, "Fancy some casual sextuplets?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"You call that worrying?"