Reproductive Humorist Gifts

Fertility Clinic, "Fancy some casual sextuplets?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"You call that worrying?"

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'