Reproductive Comedians Gifts

'In vitro fertilization is an option for women who don't want to put all their eggs in one basket.'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

Fertility Clinic

'...and he hogs the sunny spot!'

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

"You are here."

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

"To be honest, after our marriage I thought you might have released your inhibitions."

'So, you were unbunging the sink when your husband said...'

'My wife didn't leave me after all -- She just drove to the airport to pick up her mother.'

"I'm thinking about freezing my eggs."

'Well, I think I've finally gotten a handle on Jim!'

"The Remote."

I had hoped to file a missing persons report by now, but he won't leave.

Just Married Just foolin' around,

Tombstones have names of vegetables on them.

Scavenenger's hunt.

"Then it struck me - nobody originally on the Paleo Diet lived past 35."

'My wife and I never quarrel...when we disagree on anything, she foes her way and I go her way.'

Man to nose-covering wife: 'I wonder if T. Boone Pickens has an energy use for my natural gas.'