Fertility Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Sperm Bank - "How much were you thinking of spending?"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Maternity Ward

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

"It's perfect for starting a family."

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

Fertility Clinic

'Which one is yours?'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

"First, the good news; you're not sterile."

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"You are here."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

Sperm Bank: Penetrations...Withdrawals.

Science and mothers day

'We'd like to know the identity of the anonymous egg donor.'

The baby's really been moving round today.