Remorseful Snacker Pillows

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"You were right, I didn't want to stop."

"You're really not too extreme, huh?"

Breakfast surreal.

'I would kill for a truffle.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

Cookie Thief

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

Woman on diet being chased by temptation.

Greedy child

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

'Double cheeseburger, large drink, fries, apple pie, chocolate sundae and an antacid, please.'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'Boy! Did I get some bad news today! I found out french fries is a veg'table!'

'We've been through thick and thin. Tell me about the thin again.'

"My smarthome just sent me a text saying it's a mess, so it doesn't feel like having visitors right now."

"Oh, knock it off! It's only cream of asparagus."

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

The creature from the CHEESE DIP LAGOON!

"That summit Johnson! Our goal is the summit!"

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"Cookie jars are easy. Try breaking into this tough plastic packaging!"

'Guys! Check this out - Reindeer Chow in the satellite dish!'

'The movie started 40 minutes ago.'

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

This movie cost $300 million and you're surprised by the price of popcorn?

Don't lie to me

'Biscuit?' 'Leave it in the in-tray for the morning.'

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'