Reluctant Swimmer Gifts

'How's the water, dear?'

If you're going to scream every time a kid yells cannonball, you're not coming with me anymore.

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

The Boys of Indian Summer

The waterslides are fun, but the water seesaw, not so much.

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

No you can't get out yet. You've only been in there for three hours

The middle school mile claims its first victim.

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

'Derek's a big fan of resisistance workouts. He always resists working out.'

"I'm beached body ready."

"I can't figure out why the 'dog paddle' isn't working for you."

"You've been saying we're getting an inground pool since we got married, and I gave up."

'I'm not allowed in the water until I can swim.'

Hunting - Man asked to go hunting by his wife

What would it take to get you to start running? Frankly, doctor, it would take someone chasing me.

'He stated jogging to work.'

"The only thing I like more than running is everything else."

'Ah! This is the life...' - 'No phones. No computers. No hassle.' - 'All I have to do is lie out in the sun...' - '...and fret endlessly about skin cancer.'

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

'He loves all sports, he can sit and watch others do it all day.'

"I wish you wouldn't take your enjoyment so hard, Ed."

"Every year it's the same story...dangerous situations. Slippery slopes. Inescapable traps. Horrible creatures. But I trudge forward because no matter what...it's hard to avoid the first day of school."

"I was celebrating Hump Day and ended up with Throw-Out-Your-Back Thursday."

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight - I have too good a parking sport."

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

Trying to get kids into sports

'This getting fit is killing me.'

"I bet you're mighty relieved the hosepipe ban has finally en...dnnn...glug...glug!"

"Ed's practicing his stand up routine. No, he's not a comedian...he's just standing up!"

Man settled down to a book is irritated that he has a bite

'What? You mean I ran all the way here and got all that exercise for nothing?'

'Bloody Climbing Experience Gifts. Bloody grand children. Why couldn't they have given me a pair of slippers!'