Reluctant Channel Surfer Gifts

"No, I'm not watching the 24-Hour Sports Channel. I'm watching the Only When I'm Awake Sports Channel."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

TV-Man

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

How I met your mother

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'How's the water, dear?'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'Welcome to digital - you now have more of what you didn't want than you ever thought possible!'

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

Remote control wars.

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"...Looks like nothing but snow on TV tonight..."

"In da house"

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"

'500 channels...surely there must be something worth watching.'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

No you can't get out yet. You've only been in there for three hours

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

Transformation of Man into Monster.

Mind control

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'