Reluctant Channel Surfer Gifts

"No, I'm not watching the 24-Hour Sports Channel. I'm watching the Only When I'm Awake Sports Channel."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

TV-Man

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

How I met your mother

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'How's the water, dear?'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'Welcome to digital - you now have more of what you didn't want than you ever thought possible!'

"In da house"

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"...Looks like nothing but snow on TV tonight..."

Remote control wars.

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"

'500 channels...surely there must be something worth watching.'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

No you can't get out yet. You've only been in there for three hours

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

Mind control

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

Transformation of Man into Monster.