Channel Surfer Gifts

Cable / Satellite / Digital TV "Still nothing on TV."

Though hesitant at first, Hank orders the 'Watching Paint Dry Network' offered exclusively through his satellite provider.

"Honey, what's that channel I like to watch?. . . You know the one with strong opinions based on little information."

'I went through all one hundred and fifty channels and not a single thing on. So what the heck, want to talk?'

"I've been clicking all day and I still can't find the 'confused media buyers' channel!"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

'I want enough channels so that by the time I'm done surfing, a whole new half hour of programs I don't want to watch will begin.'

'Bond is back...again...!'

'Quick! Turn to the history channel! My book report is on!'

"I don't know why you keep pressing the remote control..."

'Now I can watch what I want, there's nothing I want to watch.'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

TV Remote control user is zapped by his telly

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"

A man watching television sees that the Apathy channel has been canceled due to a lack of interest.

'I know it's a boring show... but the remote is broken.'

'Over a hundred channels and nothing to watch!'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

Man's fear of commitment extends to the television, where he cannot decide on a program.

We now return you to reality, which is already in progress.

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

Recent studies show that a man's fear of commitment extends to the television, where he suffers an unrelenting paranoia that something better is on another channel.

"Can't you leave it on one channel for just five minutes?"

"Wow, that's a lot of channels for such a little TV."

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

"I get 572,000 channels. I watch 4 of them."

'S*** happens - details at eleven.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

This cable company program is worthless! All it says is my show will be on sometime between 8 and 12!

Go to the History Channel. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you are just pretending to be interested in educational programming. There is a 98% probability you will lose interest in less than one minute and change the channel. There is a 2% chance you will fall asleep before then and forget to turn me off. You don't know me! Your webcam tells me your bookcase holds 147 books you have never even opened.

Everything on TV right now is pointless and irrelevant! That's because you hit the "moot" button.

1,000 Stations vs 1,000 Books

How I met your mother

"You wanna watch the Hunting Channel or the Gathering Network?"