Reluctant Holiday Taker Gifts

Last day of home school.

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

"I'm sorry- I can barely hear you with this goddam ocean behind me."

"Make a sandcastle with you? Of course darling. What about Thursday 3.15pm?"

'I hate all holidays!'

'Sure, sure - I'm having a great vacation.'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

The US election is over.

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

No you can't get out yet. You've only been in there for three hours

'Why are you still sitting here, dear? This is a tropical getaway. It means, get away!'

"Endless Summer III"

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

Airline concerns.

'I'm sorry I didn't come to work yesterday, sir -- somehow, it seemed like Sunday.'

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

"You know your problem, Monte? There's more to life than always checking how your stocks are doing."

Excess Baggage: Forcing your homebody spouse to accompany you on a business trip is generally not a great idea.

'I think we floated a little 'too far' down stream.'

'Relax - someone will be looking for us...the Inland Revenue...the T V licence people...'

I just don't trust those self-flying brooms yet.

"Yes, it is true! I've finally persuaded Derek to take a holiday."

Why men hate shopping.

'Not Andy. He'd rather do anything than go on the family vacation.'

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"

'Ah! This is the life...' - 'No phones. No computers. No hassle.' - 'All I have to do is lie out in the sun...' - '...and fret endlessly about skin cancer.'

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

"Let's go somewhere fun and not really experience it."

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

'I hate doing Christmas cards!'

Travel Agents - Water, water, anywhere with water.