Reluctant Tourist Gifts

'Culture Time!'

"I am not asking for directions."

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

"I'm sorry- I can barely hear you with this goddam ocean behind me."

"Make a sandcastle with you? Of course darling. What about Thursday 3.15pm?"

'Sure, sure - I'm having a great vacation.'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

The US election is over.

'Why are you still sitting here, dear? This is a tropical getaway. It means, get away!'

No you can't get out yet. You've only been in there for three hours

"Endless Summer III"

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

Airline concerns.

Excess Baggage: Forcing your homebody spouse to accompany you on a business trip is generally not a great idea.

"You know your problem, Monte? There's more to life than always checking how your stocks are doing."

"I think I see it, guys!" "That's a rock." "Look! A dead snake." "Here's an old balloon... I think!" "World's smallest ball of twine."

'Relax - someone will be looking for us...the Inland Revenue...the T V licence people...'

"Yes, it is true! I've finally persuaded Derek to take a holiday."

Brian, I hope you're prepared for the conference in Hawaii. You bet!

Why men hate shopping.

'Not Andy. He'd rather do anything than go on the family vacation.'

Hunting - Man asked to go hunting by his wife

'When we get to the middle will you then admit your sat nav is useless?'

'Ah! This is the life...' - 'No phones. No computers. No hassle.' - 'All I have to do is lie out in the sun...' - '...and fret endlessly about skin cancer.'

"Let's go somewhere fun and not really experience it."

Travel Agents - Water, water, anywhere with water.

"Oh, how I ...give me a push... hate Mondays."

'My travel agent didn't tell me about thissss!'

"Every year it's the same story...dangerous situations. Slippery slopes. Inescapable traps. Horrible creatures. But I trudge forward because no matter what...it's hard to avoid the first day of school."

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

"I wish you wouldn't take your enjoyment so hard, Ed."

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight - I have too good a parking sport."