Reluctant Go-getter Gifts

The Fierce Urgency of Now

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

Targets

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'You are lucky, I've already refused to see five salesmen this morning.'

'I'm sorry I didn't come to work yesterday, sir -- somehow, it seemed like Sunday.'

'I must confess I admire people like you...Executives brave enough to say 'No I need a holiday.' I don't care if my clients look elsewhere, I'm not going to sacrifice my leisure time to climb the slippery pole to the very top...'

'Derek's a big fan of resisistance workouts. He always resists working out.'

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

Hunting - Man asked to go hunting by his wife

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"

Why men hate shopping.

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

"I wish you wouldn't take your enjoyment so hard, Ed."

"Every year it's the same story...dangerous situations. Slippery slopes. Inescapable traps. Horrible creatures. But I trudge forward because no matter what...it's hard to avoid the first day of school."

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

'He loves all sports, he can sit and watch others do it all day.'

'My travel agent didn't tell me about thissss!'

"The long wait for greatness to be thrust upon one."

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight - I have too good a parking sport."

'It's the only way I can get him to help me with the shopping.'

Trying to get kids into sports

'I hate flying. Thank God for terra firma ... or terra mushy ...'

'Bloody Climbing Experience Gifts. Bloody grand children. Why couldn't they have given me a pair of slippers!'

"The doctor said jogging would 'add ten years to your life...' He was right - I feel ten years older...!!"

'What? You mean I ran all the way here and got all that exercise for nothing?'

Man settled down to a book is irritated that he has a bite

Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it? I'll give you an Indian Ocean raise, minion. How does an Indian Ocean raise of $2 an hour sound? Fun fact: The Indiana Ocean's on the opposite side of the world, so its "up" is our "down." I don't think that's how "up" works, boss. "Relativity" is just a theory.

"It's very me, but I hate myself."

'Why don't you lie down until the feeling goes away.'

"Your daddy will be late for dinner again tonight because he has a fire in his belly."