Reluctant Adventurer Gifts

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight - I have too good a parking sport."

Hunting - Man asked to go hunting by his wife

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

'Bloody Climbing Experience Gifts. Bloody grand children. Why couldn't they have given me a pair of slippers!'

'Oh, Tom was supposed to go hunting with you today? Just a minute, I'll see if he's home.'

"Every year it's the same story...dangerous situations. Slippery slopes. Inescapable traps. Horrible creatures. But I trudge forward because no matter what...it's hard to avoid the first day of school."

"I am not asking for directions."

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

"I enjoy the one day of the school year...that I didn't forget to do my homework."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

'Which arrow points to my office?'

"Phone, wallet, glasses... What am I forgetting?"

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

"OK, here comes Sylvia Sanchez...it's a perfect time to ask her to the homecoming dance."

Gerald's first ever date remains on track.

Airline concerns.

"I'm a speaker and I'm lost. Which one of these rooms has the conference/seminar/convention/wedding that I don't remember the name of?"

Excess Baggage: Forcing your homebody spouse to accompany you on a business trip is generally not a great idea.

"If your instincts tell you to go out in a shark infested ocean then go. My instincts are sending me to a nice little aquarium out in the suburbs."

"Somewhere along the line the world got a whole lot dorkier."

'I must confess I admire people like you...Executives brave enough to say 'No I need a holiday.' I don't care if my clients look elsewhere, I'm not going to sacrifice my leisure time to climb the slippery pole to the very top...'

"Ice rink"

The plumber asks out the cable lady.

"You know that feeling when you walk into a room and can't remember why you're there..."

"I hate these walkabouts. Did you remember to get me some corn plasters?"

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"I've lost my keys, my wallet and my iPhone! Frankly, I think MINE is the lost generation!"

"Tonight? I thought it was tomorrow night."

"Let's go somewhere fun and not really experience it."

Socially awkward shipwrecks.

Travel Agents - Water, water, anywhere with water.