Reluctant Gambler Gifts

"What's this - early closing day at the betting shop?"

Golfing Boss

Little league world series of poker.

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

Mental To-Do List

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

Hot flashes

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

'I'm sorry I didn't come to work yesterday, sir -- somehow, it seemed like Sunday.'

"You're going to the Partner's Social whether you like it or not!"

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Derek's a big fan of resisistance workouts. He always resists working out.'

'I must confess I admire people like you...Executives brave enough to say 'No I need a holiday.' I don't care if my clients look elsewhere, I'm not going to sacrifice my leisure time to climb the slippery pole to the very top...'

'Dad, do you really think trying to sell me life insurance counts as quality time?'

Hunting - Man asked to go hunting by his wife

Why men hate shopping.

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

Burning the midnight oil again?

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

"Every year it's the same story...dangerous situations. Slippery slopes. Inescapable traps. Horrible creatures. But I trudge forward because no matter what...it's hard to avoid the first day of school."

Welcome to Las Vegas - a faith-based community.

"I wish you wouldn't take your enjoyment so hard, Ed."

'He loves all sports, he can sit and watch others do it all day.'

Vending machines at work: Snacks, Coffee, Glimmer of Hope

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight - I have too good a parking sport."

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

'It's the only way I can get him to help me with the shopping.'