Reluctant Reveler Gifts

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"You're going to the Partner's Social whether you like it or not!"

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

"I have to write a book report for school. . . do you have any books with lots of pictures?"

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

"Digital? We're not even cable ready!"

Hunting - Man asked to go hunting by his wife

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

Man Readig Paper

Summer Reading

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

"Every year it's the same story...dangerous situations. Slippery slopes. Inescapable traps. Horrible creatures. But I trudge forward because no matter what...it's hard to avoid the first day of school."

'I'm home from a mind-numbing day at the office, ready to watch some mind-numbing TV.'

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

'Living together might work out, Randy, but I could never comply with a whole MARRIAGE!'

"Do I love myself or is it lust?"

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight - I have too good a parking sport."

"Frank's trying to outreach to people who only come to the library to use the washroom!"

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

'I hate flying. Thank God for terra firma ... or terra mushy ...'

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

"I didn't hear Bill Clinton say it was time for me to change."

'Bloody Climbing Experience Gifts. Bloody grand children. Why couldn't they have given me a pair of slippers!'

'Oh, Tom was supposed to go hunting with you today? Just a minute, I'll see if he's home.'

'He's reached his limit with Government health advice.'