Reluctant Negotiator Gifts

Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it? I'll give you an Indian Ocean raise, minion. How does an Indian Ocean raise of $2 an hour sound? Fun fact: The Indiana Ocean's on the opposite side of the world, so its "up" is our "down." I don't think that's how "up" works, boss. "Relativity" is just a theory.

"I am not asking for directions."

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

If you pony is difficult to catch...take a good supply of lump sugar with you...and eat as much of it as you can.

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

'Dad, do you really think trying to sell me life insurance counts as quality time?'

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"Do I love myself or is it lust?"

'Living together might work out, Randy, but I could never comply with a whole MARRIAGE!'

"The long wait for greatness to be thrust upon one."

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

Knowing that he was holding yesterday's 7 million lottery ticket,,,

'Sailing, it's a sport that doesn't float my boat.'

'I'm negotiatin with Santa Claus the romval of my name from the bad childrens list.'

Sign your marriage is in trouble.

"...And management said it was their final offer and if I didn't like it, I could go to hell! So, here I am!"

Quite by accident one football hater kicked the ball to the other football hater, who kicked it back again...

"Maybe next week when I'm feeling a little better."

The Fierce Urgency of Now

If that's for me, I'm not here. And even if it's not for me, I still wish I weren't here. Ring.