Reluctant Negotiator Pillows

"I am not asking for directions."

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

If you pony is difficult to catch...take a good supply of lump sugar with you...and eat as much of it as you can.

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

'Dad, do you really think trying to sell me life insurance counts as quality time?'

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"The long wait for greatness to be thrust upon one."

"Do I love myself or is it lust?"

'Living together might work out, Randy, but I could never comply with a whole MARRIAGE!'

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

'Sailing, it's a sport that doesn't float my boat.'

'I'm negotiatin with Santa Claus the romval of my name from the bad childrens list.'

"Maybe next week when I'm feeling a little better."

Quite by accident one football hater kicked the ball to the other football hater, who kicked it back again...

"...And management said it was their final offer and if I didn't like it, I could go to hell! So, here I am!"

Sign your marriage is in trouble.

The Fierce Urgency of Now

"What's this - early closing day at the betting shop?"