Reluctant Policyholder Pillows

'Dad, do you really think trying to sell me life insurance counts as quality time?'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

No you can't get out yet. You've only been in there for three hours

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

Airline concerns.

'I'm sorry I didn't come to work yesterday, sir -- somehow, it seemed like Sunday.'

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Relax - someone will be looking for us...the Inland Revenue...the T V licence people...'

You'll need all your energy when you get home.

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

I just don't trust those self-flying brooms yet.

"I hate these walkabouts. Did you remember to get me some corn plasters?"

Why men hate shopping.

"Let's go somewhere fun and not really experience it."

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

Travel Agents - Water, water, anywhere with water.

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

'Don't worry, Mom - I'll do my book report during the next commercial.'

"No need to rush back to work. The office lad is doing your job."

The Imperfect Hostess

'It's the only way I can get him to help me with the shopping.'

"Say, Honey, I forgot to tell you that the Snootmyers called...they'll be over for drinks in twenty minutes!"

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

"Baldo, I need you to take this out to the dumpster."

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

'I'd like to be frozen until health insurance will cover my pre-existing conditions.'

"I didn't hear Bill Clinton say it was time for me to change."

Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it? I'll give you an Indian Ocean raise, minion. How does an Indian Ocean raise of $2 an hour sound? Fun fact: The Indiana Ocean's on the opposite side of the world, so its "up" is our "down." I don't think that's how "up" works, boss. "Relativity" is just a theory.