Reluctant Adult Pillows

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

Hot flashes

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

'As long as I stand here I'm safe. . . no stress. . . no pressure. . . no need to impress. . . I can just relax and be who I am. . .'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

Airline concerns.

I just don't trust those self-flying brooms yet.

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

"You're going to the Partner's Social whether you like it or not!"

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

'Dad, do you really think trying to sell me life insurance counts as quality time?'

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

Hunting - Man asked to go hunting by his wife

Why men hate shopping.

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

"Let's go somewhere fun and not really experience it."

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

Travel Agents - Water, water, anywhere with water.

'Better than looking at four walls is here.'

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

'Don't worry, Mom - I'll do my book report during the next commercial.'