Reluctant Speaker Gifts

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

"I tried getting good grades without studying, but it isn't working."

"That was one of the hardest exams ever. I don't think anybody got a good grade."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

"You'll be pleased to know you haven't got any homework this evening."

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

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“Okay, Cindy, don’t think of it as learning ... think of it as a software upgrade!”

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

"You're going to the Partner's Social whether you like it or not!"

"I have to write a book report for school. . . do you have any books with lots of pictures?"

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

"Son, we didn't spend a fortune on your education so you can 'just be yourself.'"

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

'I'm going, but if school didn't have a 'Kids Get In Free' policy...'

Man Readig Paper

Summer Reading

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"Next up is Alex's dad who's going to tell us all about the job that he has and feels desperately trapped in."

The Imperfect Hostess

'We don't want to give the presentation. We don't know that much stuff.'

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

'Don't worry, Mom - I'll do my book report during the next commercial.'

'I'm home from a mind-numbing day at the office, ready to watch some mind-numbing TV.'