Reluctant Presenter Gifts

'We don't want to give the presentation. We don't know that much stuff.'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

'Derek's a big fan of resisistance workouts. He always resists working out.'

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

"You're going to the Partner's Social whether you like it or not!"

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"My art speaks for itself."

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

The Imperfect Hostess

'He loves all sports, he can sit and watch others do it all day.'

'I'm home from a mind-numbing day at the office, ready to watch some mind-numbing TV.'

"Next up is Alex's dad who's going to tell us all about the job that he has and feels desperately trapped in."

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

"Say, Honey, I forgot to tell you that the Snootmyers called...they'll be over for drinks in twenty minutes!"

Trying to get kids into sports

"The doctor said jogging would 'add ten years to your life...' He was right - I feel ten years older...!!"

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

'I love Saturdays. . . why couldn't this happen on Monday and ruin a work day?'

Meet the non-author! Noted scholar who never gave a hoot to write a book!

'Why don't you lie down until the feeling goes away.'

"I really don't like poetry."

Quite by accident one football hater kicked the ball to the other football hater, who kicked it back again...