Reluctant Builder Gifts

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

Hot flashes

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

Sundayafternoon Carpenters

'There's nothing on the telly!'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

"My art speaks for itself."

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

"I didn't hear Bill Clinton say it was time for me to change."

'The good news is, I've got no more trouble with my stupid boss and grumbling customers. The bad news is, our company is insolvent and I'm jobless.'

'I hate flying. Thank God for terra firma ... or terra mushy ...'

Knowing that he was holding yesterday's 7 million lottery ticket,,,

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

'I love Saturdays. . . why couldn't this happen on Monday and ruin a work day?'

Quite by accident one football hater kicked the ball to the other football hater, who kicked it back again...

'I need to write a list of things to do, but I just can't get around to doing it.'

"Maybe next week when I'm feeling a little better."

Meet the non-author! Noted scholar who never gave a hoot to write a book!

The Fierce Urgency of Now

Travel: Visit Dullsville - cable available! See Nowheresvilles! Podunk - Bring a book!

A brand new day finds Fred, as usual, happily sitting on the sidelines of his own life.