Reluctant Repairer Gifts

'I love Saturdays. . . why couldn't this happen on Monday and ruin a work day?'

"Why don't you just fix the hole?"

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

'...I don't want people to get the impression that I'm so passionate about my work that I'll be taking it with me!...'

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

Sundayafternoon Carpenters

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"My art speaks for itself."

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"I'm writing a book on everything I don't know about technology. It's a lot longer than I originally thought."

The Imperfect Hostess

"I can catch up with all the chores my wife wants done over the Labor Day weekend."

"Say, Honey, I forgot to tell you that the Snootmyers called...they'll be over for drinks in twenty minutes!"

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

We're actually looking for someone who just wants to get out of the house.

'The good news is, I've got no more trouble with my stupid boss and grumbling customers. The bad news is, our company is insolvent and I'm jobless.'

"I didn't hear Bill Clinton say it was time for me to change."

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

"Baldo, I need you to take this out to the dumpster."

Knowing that he was holding yesterday's 7 million lottery ticket,,,

Obscenity-recognition software. It's for people who hate computers, but have to use them.

Quite by accident one football hater kicked the ball to the other football hater, who kicked it back again...

"Maybe next week when I'm feeling a little better."