Reluctant Repairer Pillows

'I love Saturdays. . . why couldn't this happen on Monday and ruin a work day?'

"Why don't you just fix the hole?"

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

'...I don't want people to get the impression that I'm so passionate about my work that I'll be taking it with me!...'

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

Sundayafternoon Carpenters

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

"My art speaks for itself."

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"I'm writing a book on everything I don't know about technology. It's a lot longer than I originally thought."

"I can catch up with all the chores my wife wants done over the Labor Day weekend."

The Imperfect Hostess

"Say, Honey, I forgot to tell you that the Snootmyers called...they'll be over for drinks in twenty minutes!"

We're actually looking for someone who just wants to get out of the house.

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

'The good news is, I've got no more trouble with my stupid boss and grumbling customers. The bad news is, our company is insolvent and I'm jobless.'

"Baldo, I need you to take this out to the dumpster."

"I didn't hear Bill Clinton say it was time for me to change."

"Maybe next week when I'm feeling a little better."

"My dishwasher isn't working. He got fired yesterday."

Quite by accident one football hater kicked the ball to the other football hater, who kicked it back again...

A brand new day finds Fred, as usual, happily sitting on the sidelines of his own life.