Reluctant Fixer Pillows

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"It's another day, Phil. Planning to suit up?"

'Now, dear, I spent 35 years pretending to look busy. I can't just quit overnight!'

"For heaven's sake lighten up, Roger! You're supposed to be on holiday."

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

"Careful... if you look too comfortable they take your chair away."

Stop staring at that screen saver!

"Baldo, time to get up! It's the first day of school!"

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'You know Doug just isn't a morning person. This afternoon's not looking too good, either.'

"My husband hid my laptop to stop me working on vacation."

"On days when I need to get out of bed and go to work, I close my eyes until the feeling passes."

'I set the alarm to 96 years!'

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

'There's nothing on the telly!'

"Instead of cleaning my room, can we just seal the door and call it a time capsule?"

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

CLEAN YOUR ROOM! 'Out of sight, out of mind...'

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

'I do more than I want, but it's always less than I should.'

"I'm not a big fan of fresh air and sunshine, but it beats helping dad clean out the basement."

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

"I won't be in the office today, my apathy is acting up again."

"My art speaks for itself."

Sweeping under the carpet

'yes, up every day at dawn, but there was a shameful time as a teenager when I used to sleep in until noon sometimes...'

"I'm writing a book on everything I don't know about technology. It's a lot longer than I originally thought."

The Imperfect Hostess