Reluctant Cleaners Pillows

"My feet aren't gross. They simply show 'honest wear'".

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'

"For heaven's sake lighten up, Roger! You're supposed to be on holiday."

"It's another day, Phil. Planning to suit up?"

'Now, dear, I spent 35 years pretending to look busy. I can't just quit overnight!'

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

No you can't get out yet. You've only been in there for three hours

"Careful... if you look too comfortable they take your chair away."

The middle school mile claims its first victim.

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

"Baldo, time to get up! It's the first day of school!"

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

'You know Doug just isn't a morning person. This afternoon's not looking too good, either.'

Airline concerns.

"My husband hid my laptop to stop me working on vacation."

Excess Baggage: Forcing your homebody spouse to accompany you on a business trip is generally not a great idea.

"On days when I need to get out of bed and go to work, I close my eyes until the feeling passes."

'I set the alarm to 96 years!'

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

'There's nothing on the telly!'

"Instead of cleaning my room, can we just seal the door and call it a time capsule?"

CLEAN YOUR ROOM! 'Out of sight, out of mind...'

"I hate these walkabouts. Did you remember to get me some corn plasters?"

'I do more than I want, but it's always less than I should.'

"I'm not a big fan of fresh air and sunshine, but it beats helping dad clean out the basement."

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."