Reluctant Repairman Pillows

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

'...I don't want people to get the impression that I'm so passionate about my work that I'll be taking it with me!...'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

Sundayafternoon Carpenters

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

"My art speaks for itself."

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

"I'm writing a book on everything I don't know about technology. It's a lot longer than I originally thought."

"I can catch up with all the chores my wife wants done over the Labor Day weekend."

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

We're actually looking for someone who just wants to get out of the house.

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

"Baldo, I need you to take this out to the dumpster."

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

"I didn't hear Bill Clinton say it was time for me to change."

'The good news is, I've got no more trouble with my stupid boss and grumbling customers. The bad news is, our company is insolvent and I'm jobless.'

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

'I love Saturdays. . . why couldn't this happen on Monday and ruin a work day?'

"Maybe next week when I'm feeling a little better."

"My dishwasher isn't working. He got fired yesterday."