Reluctant Handyman Pillows

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

"My dishwasher isn't working. He got fired yesterday."

"I can catch up with all the chores my wife wants done over the Labor Day weekend."

Golfing Boss

Do it yourself books.

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

'...I don't want people to get the impression that I'm so passionate about my work that I'll be taking it with me!...'

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

Mental To-Do List

'It has nothing to do with relativity. He's trying to figure out his cable bill.'

Stop staring at that screen saver!

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

'You heard! There's no way I'm cooking for you!'

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

"My art speaks for itself."

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"Now he decides to start work on the crazy paving."

Burning the midnight oil again?

Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

"May, I don't care how wet the toilet seat gets, I turned the water off last time."

'My hubby is unusually handy about the house. . . unusual in that, he is always the problem to the solution!'

"I'm writing a book on everything I don't know about technology. It's a lot longer than I originally thought."

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

"I didn't go to work today. I gathered firewood instead."

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

We're actually looking for someone who just wants to get out of the house.

"Baldo, I need you to take this out to the dumpster."