Holiday Avoider Gifts

"Gasp! Christmas! Puff! Must get away from...Christmas! Gasp! Puff!"

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

Temporarily Unavailable

"Don't forget to put some sunscreen on your tongue."

'I hate all holidays!'

The Old Lady Bobbing-Around-In-The-Ocean Classic.

'Did you say psst?.'

"You know I hate birthdays!"

He hurt himself taking out the Christmas tree? But it's February! That's not all, he tripped over the jack-o-lantern!

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

'I think I'll go somewhere warm this year.'

"I'd rather be at the office."

"Of course it's not a mirage - mirages don't wear Chanel No 5."

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"Put it on pause, son, and come to Thanksgiving dinner."

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

You're right. Winter in Florida sounds better every year.

'Millers said they travelled through Europe? Nonsense! All of their souvenirs have little tags reading 'Made in China'!'

'I'll never use that travel agent again!'

Pilates Creative Stretching Program.

'No, it's true, I've never seen snow... I always seem to end up going South for winter...'

Last day of home school.

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.'

"Did someone forget to invite Dwayne?"

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'I've got to get away from Christmas... I've got to get away...'

'I hate doing Christmas cards!'

"The only turkey here is one without a packed bag and a plane ticket."

"Harold wanted to make sure no one takes his chair while we're on holiday."

'Whoever's guess is closest to the time when the last needle falls off the tree wins the hundred-dollar pool!'