Holiday Avoider Pillows

"Gasp! Christmas! Puff! Must get away from...Christmas! Gasp! Puff!"

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

Temporarily Unavailable

"Don't forget to put some sunscreen on your tongue."

The Old Lady Bobbing-Around-In-The-Ocean Classic.

'I hate all holidays!'

'Did you say psst?.'

"You know I hate birthdays!"

'I think I'll go somewhere warm this year.'

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

"I'd rather be at the office."

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"Put it on pause, son, and come to Thanksgiving dinner."

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

'Millers said they travelled through Europe? Nonsense! All of their souvenirs have little tags reading 'Made in China'!'

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

Pilates Creative Stretching Program.

'I'll never use that travel agent again!'

"Did someone forget to invite Dwayne?"

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.'

'No, it's true, I've never seen snow... I always seem to end up going South for winter...'

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

'I hate doing Christmas cards!'

'I've got to get away from Christmas... I've got to get away...'

Scrooge: only-23-days until day after Christmas.

"Harold wanted to make sure no one takes his chair while we're on holiday."

"Thank you, guys! Finally I don't have to spend Christmas with the annoying family."

"Somewhere a long. . . long way from the World Cup."

"The only turkey here is one without a packed bag and a plane ticket."