Valentine's Day Avoider Pillows

'I'm not ready to love again. I'm afraid I'll get hurt!'

Blow up valentine.

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"You know I hate birthdays!"

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

"Die alone"

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

Opera Lover

"This new guy's really good!"

"'Fancy a shag', I think this one is from Dwayne!"

Cupid accidentally kills one of his targets.

"Did someone forget to invite Dwayne?"

Dead cupid

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

'I booked a table for one under the name of Narcissus.'

"Do I love myself or is it lust?"

"Tarnation, Sagebrush! Who keeps sending me these stupid, mushy Valentines, anyhow?"

'Living together might work out, Randy, but I could never comply with a whole MARRIAGE!'

'Give me a hand! There's a Monday on the other side of this door.'

'Keep the windows closed. We don't like to encourage office romances.'

"That reminds me...Happy valentine."

'Next year could I just have the chocolate?'

Health and safety considerations require that you put rubber tips on the arrow heads and replace the unicorns tears in your love potion with inert saline.

'There's no workplace romance here. This is a mom and pop store.'

Excuses why you forgot to buy her a Valentine's gift - $50

Love Potion

Woman surrounded by couple sees fish on bike

A special gift for Valentine...'A Canadian massage...wonder what that is...'

"Well the good news is that it doesn't appear to be contagious..."

"It's Easter tomorrow, so they'll hide Easter Eggs in the garden, but don't eat them: chocolate is poisonous to us!"

"If this was his idea of a Valentine's day card, I'm not impressed."