Valentine's Day Avoider T-Shirts

'I'm not ready to love again. I'm afraid I'll get hurt!'

Blow up valentine.

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"You know I hate birthdays!"

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

"Die alone"

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

Opera Lover

"This new guy's really good!"

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

Dead cupid

"Did someone forget to invite Dwayne?"

Cupid accidentally kills one of his targets.

"'Fancy a shag', I think this one is from Dwayne!"

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

'I booked a table for one under the name of Narcissus.'

"Tarnation, Sagebrush! Who keeps sending me these stupid, mushy Valentines, anyhow?"

"Do I love myself or is it lust?"

'Living together might work out, Randy, but I could never comply with a whole MARRIAGE!'

'Give me a hand! There's a Monday on the other side of this door.'

'Keep the windows closed. We don't like to encourage office romances.'

"That reminds me...Happy valentine."

'Next year could I just have the chocolate?'

Health and safety considerations require that you put rubber tips on the arrow heads and replace the unicorns tears in your love potion with inert saline.

'There's no workplace romance here. This is a mom and pop store.'

Excuses why you forgot to buy her a Valentine's gift - $50

Love Potion

Woman surrounded by couple sees fish on bike

A special gift for Valentine...'A Canadian massage...wonder what that is...'

"Well the good news is that it doesn't appear to be contagious..."

"If this was his idea of a Valentine's day card, I'm not impressed."

"I did have plants, but they were so needy."