Celebration Avoider Pillows

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"You know I hate birthdays!"

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

'I hate surprises!'

Nervous at a party.

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'Honey, I would love to go out with you, but I feel like an idiot at all your friends' parties. The conversations are always way above my head.'

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

"Die alone"

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

4th of July and PTSD

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."

"Birthday? No? Anniversary?

Herman likes to stay in his comfort zone.

'No, I don't like dancing.'

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.'

"Did someone forget to invite Dwayne?"

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

"We came early to avoid the conga line."

"Poor baby! You can come out now... all that nasty banging has stopped!"

'Nope, a handmade coupon for 'one free backrub' ain't gonna cut it for our 25th Wedding Anniversary hon...'

Man hiding under the table as Champane is popped open.

'Uh, i'll pass.'

He's shy. I always have to drag him to these things, kicking and screaming.

'I roll over and play dead when I don't want to see someone.'

'I've got to get away from Christmas... I've got to get away...'

"I forgot to charge him."

Christmas jig

"Dylan needs a classroom where I don't have to talk to any of the other mothers."