Festive Season Avoider Gifts

'I've got to get away from Christmas... I've got to get away...'

'I hate all holidays!'

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

"I finished my holiday shopping. I'm re-gifting presents I received last year."

Santa Claus

Can you guess what it is yet?

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

Season's Greetings and a Prosperous New Year.

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

'I'm the keynote speaker at the Shining Light Leadership Seminar.'

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

"Phew! That was a close shave guys!"

"Okay, I got your stuff ordered. I work remotely now."

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.'

'I'm trying to be politically correct.'

1784: Wigs are all the rage

'No, it's true, I've never seen snow... I always seem to end up going South for winter...'

Children's Messages and Lists for Santa Clause

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. . . already marked down for clearance and it's not even Halloween yet."

Please Decorate Our Tree. . . We are too busy.

'Would you consider being best man at our wedding?'

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

'I think it has something to do with global warming.'

"I'm the spirit of Christmas Present."

"There are more things I'm ungrateful than grateful for. Why can't we have a holiday for that?"