Festive Season Avoider T-Shirts

'I've got to get away from Christmas... I've got to get away...'

The Porkypine Pals Christmas Adventure - Part Five

'I hate all holidays!'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

Santa Claus

"I finished my holiday shopping. I'm re-gifting presents I received last year."

Can you guess what it is yet?

Season's Greetings and a Prosperous New Year.

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

You're right. Winter in Florida sounds better every year.

'I'm the keynote speaker at the Shining Light Leadership Seminar.'

'Hey, would you mind stirring your Ovaltine somewhere else?!'

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

"Phew! That was a close shave guys!"

1784: Wigs are all the rage

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. . . already marked down for clearance and it's not even Halloween yet."

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.'

Children's Messages and Lists for Santa Clause

Please Decorate Our Tree. . . We are too busy.

'No, it's true, I've never seen snow... I always seem to end up going South for winter...'

"Okay, I got your stuff ordered. I work remotely now."

"These masks aren't working. I'm feeling feverish."

'I'm trying to be politically correct.'

'Would you consider being best man at our wedding?'

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

"I'm the spirit of Christmas Present."

Due to a slight hearing problem, history does not remember Doug and Gary, chicken herders of Bethlehem.

"There are more things I'm ungrateful than grateful for. Why can't we have a holiday for that?"