Reluctant Gift Giver Gifts

'Why isn't he wearing the tie I bought him for Christmas?'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

Bald man spraying his head with hairspray

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!

'I'm sorry I didn't come to work yesterday, sir -- somehow, it seemed like Sunday.'

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

'Relax - someone will be looking for us...the Inland Revenue...the T V licence people...'

You'll need all your energy when you get home.

'I know yesterday was your birthday, but you're so hard to shop for.'

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

Last day of home school.

Why men hate shopping.

'Two idiots don't make a good gift!'

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

The three wise cats were bearing slightly less practical gifts.

'It was a strange Christmas this year - Everybody gave me breath mints.'

'I put hopeless at Christmas shopping into a search engine and your name came up!'

"My wife's bra size? I don't know, about like this I guess."

'We don't want to give the presentation. We don't know that much stuff.'

"I can catch up with all the chores my wife wants done over the Labor Day weekend."

'It's the only way I can get him to help me with the shopping.'

"Must you walk around in your underwear? -- My wife and KIDS are in here, for crying out loud!"

'It's been raining all day. There's nothing to do.'

Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it? I'll give you an Indian Ocean raise, minion. How does an Indian Ocean raise of $2 an hour sound? Fun fact: The Indiana Ocean's on the opposite side of the world, so its "up" is our "down." I don't think that's how "up" works, boss. "Relativity" is just a theory.

Never getting the right present phobia: 'I know there's nothing in it. You have everything.'

"It's very me, but I hate myself."

"My dishwasher isn't working. He got fired yesterday."

The Fierce Urgency of Now

'The party at school was awful! -- The teacher didn't like the Valentine underwear I got for her.'

'I need some help finding the perfect gift for that not so perfect someone.'

"You got me flowers for our anniversary? How sweet, hone...and this year you're only three weeks past the actual date!"

'This is the only way I can get him to come shopping with me...'