Awkward Gift Givers Gifts

"My wife's bra size? I don't know, about like this I guess."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Easter Island Cheeseheads

Ball as water-melon.

How Amazon was invented

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

Where Deviled Eggs come from

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

A baby using a heavy duty drill

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"They certainly are jolly creatures aren't they?"

"Roadkill cookies"

Santa's Helpers

"Pass that."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

Regifts of the Magi

International House of Excrement

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

"What seems to be the problem?"