Awkward Gift Givers Gifts

"My wife's bra size? I don't know, about like this I guess."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Easter Island Cheeseheads

Ball as water-melon.

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

How Amazon was invented

A watch face with Stonehenge

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Roadkill cookies"

A baby using a heavy duty drill

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Santa's Helpers

"Pass that."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

International House of Excrement

Regifts of the Magi

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'