Relativity Gifts

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

Einstein Discovers That Time is Actually Laundry

'You, of all people, violating the speed limit!'

Intelligent people laugh too!

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

"What's your project for the science fair, Arnold?"

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'Guy comes up with one interesting theory about special relativity, suddenly he thinks he's freakin' Einstein,'

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

"Notice how Dad ages faster at relativistic speeds?"

Einstein discovers that time can stop completely.

Einstein's Theory of Relativity For Dummies

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

Contest of wills.

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

'I come from the future - any questions?'

"Time passes much more slowly in the other dimension, so take these sudokus."

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

'So much for Newton. Now, as for Einstein...'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'We can always hope he's a zombie.'

'Hey, Fred! You have a relative visiting.'

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'Figuring out what a day equals is hard. I think I'll work on something easier ... '

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

Albert Einstein

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."

'Would it kill 'ya to index my birthday check to inflation?'

The Quantum Mechanic...

'You just had to tell them to make themselves at home!'

Though laughter is the bed medicine, few appreciate the laugh track.