Relativity Rebels Gifts

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

'You, of all people, violating the speed limit!'

'Teenagers!'

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

"Notice how Dad ages faster at relativistic speeds?"

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

'We've gone to profit-sharing. But it's with the IRS.'

'So much for Newton. Now, as for Einstein...'

Unabridged Dictionary

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The Quantum Mechanic...

If this plutonium should start to roam,box it's ears and sent it home.

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'And you must be Hank, my husband's new business partner!'

Too Weird to Have a Husband

Proposed Changes To The Laws Of Gravity

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

E=mc2 - Einstein's graffiti.

Church Drive-Thru.

Relativity explained; the woman on the train will always appear more attractive than the woman on the platform.

'Space is curved and time is relative, eh? -- Is this your way of asking for a day off?'

Brain versus Religion.

Einstein's in and out trays: InOutRelative.

"Writing is... rewriting."

"I'm not wearing any underwear."

Philosophy Department. 38 days without logical fallacy. (Published originally on December 6, 2007.)

"He sounds like a papaya I bought that just went straight from green to rotten."

"Surely not zero tolerance?"

"Our funding has gone into a black hole."

"I am here on behalf of a concerned caller, why are you wearing shorts in winter?"

Wrong answer

"It's all me, me, me, with you - it's like the world revolves around YOU all the time!"