Relativity Rebels Gifts

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

"Notice how Dad ages faster at relativistic speeds?"

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

'We've gone to profit-sharing. But it's with the IRS.'

Unabridged Dictionary

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The Quantum Mechanic...

If this plutonium should start to roam,box it's ears and sent it home.

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

Proposed Changes To The Laws Of Gravity

Too Weird to Have a Husband

'And you must be Hank, my husband's new business partner!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

Church Drive-Thru.

Brain versus Religion.

Relativity explained; the woman on the train will always appear more attractive than the woman on the platform.

"Writing is... rewriting."

"He sounds like a papaya I bought that just went straight from green to rotten."

"Surely not zero tolerance?"

"I'm not wearing any underwear."

Wrong answer

"It's all me, me, me, with you - it's like the world revolves around YOU all the time!"

"I am here on behalf of a concerned caller, why are you wearing shorts in winter?"

Zoning in Force

"Kleinzweck is our resident punk physicist."