Realist Rebel Gifts

"Your problem is that you see the glass as half-empty."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

battered artist has painted picture of falling bomb.

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Whistler's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Gallery Pranks

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

Recession

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

'This is the painting he was about to start when he shot himself.'

Stop Ironic Graffiti

"The museum of modern art on fire... an installation."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

Squeezing a tight budget...

US Dollar weakens.

"Goodbye cruel world."

'Sorry, but I think your Mondrian tattoo was a mistake.'

"Hmmm... there's something not right here..."