Relativity Theoretician Gifts

'I'm sending in my entry for the Best Relativity Theory Contest.'

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'Guy comes up with one interesting theory about special relativity, suddenly he thinks he's freakin' Einstein,'

"Notice how Dad ages faster at relativistic speeds?"

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

Einstein discovers that time can stop completely.

'No, dear. I don't think the star on the Christmas tree will implode, and suck our living room into a black hole.'

Einstein's Theory of Relativity For Dummies

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'So much for Newton. Now, as for Einstein...'

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

The Quantum Mechanic...

Stephen Hawking

'I've overcome my fears of personal mortality and the indifference of the Universe, but I'm still a little worried about those skip-tracers.'

When a nanosecond is forever.

'Penny for them, Albert.'

'Flying fish? - I TOLD you there was too much background radiation down there!'

'Space is curved and time is relative, eh? -- Is this your way of asking for a day off?'

Relativity explained; the woman on the train will always appear more attractive than the woman on the platform.

'You, of all people, violating the speed limit!'

Einstein's in and out trays: InOutRelative.

"Oh, yes, I've been good...relatively speaking!"

conclusive proof that the Moon landings WERE faked...

"Our funding has gone into a black hole."

Astronomers argue theories of the Universe.

'E=ma2. E=mb2...'

I can see why we don't stand up!

If time is money, why the hell isn't space money?

"How do I get off this Merry Go Round?"

Einstein Discovers That Time is Actually Laundry

'Naught or nice? Compared to whom: Lance Armstrong? Roger Clemens?'

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.