Relationship Statistician Gifts

Sex at the office.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Sexual chemistry set

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Awkward First Dates

'You've changed since we got married.'

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

Relationships.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I've had you appraised."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'