Relationship Economist Gifts

'If 2 can live as cheaply as one, then 3 must be even cheaper!'

'If we bundle the money that goes to your first wife's alimony, plus the deposits you keep making into the new wife's bank account....it's easy to see where your money goes!'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Sexual chemistry set

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Harold, you've changed."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

Awkward First Dates

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

'You've changed since we got married.'

"Why won't you cuddle?"

Strangers. friends. Lovers. Spouse.

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

'Interesting article in Nature this week - apparently love's not a wave, it's a particle.'

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...