Relationship Ranters Pillows

"You might want to save that for your blog."

She - Interpreter - He.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

Sulk Shows

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"I had half a date last weekend."

Diplomacy

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

"You always insist on having the last word!" "Sorry!"

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'