Relationship Ranters Pillows

"You might want to save that for your blog."

She - Interpreter - He.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Sulk Shows

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

Diplomacy

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"I had half a date last weekend."

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

"You always insist on having the last word!" "Sorry!"

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"This'll test you - she just scraped your car while parking."