Ranting Pillows

'Before we begin may I emit a prolonged rant about my work week?

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

"Is it really an important message from your sponsor, or just another damn commercial?!"

"He died the way he lived...angry at the news.

"And another thing. . . Why can you never get a plumber when you need one?"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

New Guy.

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

"They're comfortable."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

Motorherd

'I had to overcome stereotypical misunderstandings about who makes a good leader.'

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"Yup! Its time to feed the cattle."

"The new house is almost ready!"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Whine and cheezed party."

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

"Waving the hat keeps the cattle moving and lets my hair get some highlights."

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

Cow duel.

'Mama! Aliens.'

The Not So Wild West

'Another nice thing about working here, they tend to promote from within.'

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

Sick Rancher Humor

'Wait, Doc, wait! My cow's still in your chute!'

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

'He's the best bull I've ever had.'