Ranting Pillows

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

'Before we begin may I emit a prolonged rant about my work week?

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

Mort, sweetie, it's time for our lunch date. Can it wait? I'm in the middle of a rant. Why, that's no problem at all. In fact, I'd like to add something. But of course, my petunia. If I don't eat soon, Mort will never get another smooch! Who needs world order, really Another victory for Lip Gloss Diplomacy.

Tuesday is drunken rant night. The noncommissioned officer is the backbone of this man's army!!!

"Is it really an important message from your sponsor, or just another damn commercial?!"

"He died the way he lived...angry at the news.

"And another thing. . . Why can you never get a plumber when you need one?"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

New Guy.

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"They're comfortable."

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

'Awright...Who's the dirty, lowdown varmint who's copyin' my plaid-shirt-and-stone-wash-jeans-with-matching-boots-and-vest ensemble?'

Motorherd

'I had to overcome stereotypical misunderstandings about who makes a good leader.'

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"Yup! Its time to feed the cattle."

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"The new house is almost ready!"

"Whine and cheezed party."

"Waving the hat keeps the cattle moving and lets my hair get some highlights."

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

'Mama! Aliens.'

'Wait, Doc, wait! My cow's still in your chute!'

'He's the best bull I've ever had.'

Cow duel.