Relationship Raconteurs Pillows

"The lack of perspective kills me..."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

"I'll bet there's a story there."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"I had half a date last weekend."

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

'Alright, let's do this.'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"I'll need a three iron."

"I don't see what you see in him."

"Now who's being judgy?"

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

'If she can't speak yet, how do you know her name is Jennifer?'

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

Social butterfly