Relationship Raconteurs Pillows

"The lack of perspective kills me..."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

Tunnel of love, then disillusionment, then mundane humdrum coexistence.

'Alright, let's do this.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"I had half a date last weekend."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

Harbaugh bragging rights 2043...

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"I don't see what you see in him."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"I'll need a three iron."

"Now who's being judgy?"

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

'If she can't speak yet, how do you know her name is Jennifer?'

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'