Relationship Wranglers Pillows

"Diane, this is Karen, an old war buddy of mine."

'Well, I think I've finally gotten a handle on Jim!'

'Another irritating thing, she always has to have the last...'

'... Same old excuse; 'Not tonight dear, I have a splitting headache.' Isn't it strange how I never get a headache?!'

"Whenever I have a point of view you trash it."

"Knock it off! You know I hate it when you relax."

Interior design trends for parents....

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

She - Interpreter - He.

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

Sulk Shows

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"Are you going to ask for feedback every time you cook a meal?"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"How much is this going to cost me?"

Complaining cricket wives

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"I need to know if you're really serious about our relationship."