Romance Wranglers Pillows

"Date night again already?"

Interior design trends for parents....

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

She - Interpreter - He.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

Toys in the DVD Player.

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

Sulk Shows

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

'Beware of teething baby.'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

Climbing with the baby

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

'OK...now what?'

Baby zipping himself up then going to sleep

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

'Gee, Dad, Mom's getting better at this all the time!'

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

Diplomacy

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

Babies

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

"You always insist on having the last word!" "Sorry!"

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'The trouble is not with your set -- the station just got hit with a new batch of politically correct Federal regulations.'